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Wuemsel's Fanfic Corner

The Green Monster


"Oookay," Hutch asked and handed Starsky a beer, "Monopoly or Pits?"

"Monopoly!" came the prompt reply.

Smiling at his friend's excited grin, Hutch raised his hands in mock surrender and left the room to get the game. When he returned, though, he found Starsky not sitting on the couch anymore, but with his back firmly pressed against the front door, his face incredibly pale.

"Hey buddy?" Hutch was at his side instantly, throwing the game onto the couch carelessly as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Hey, what's the matter? Starsk? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Th-the... ah..." Starsky gasped and raised a shaking finger to point at Hutch's newest acquisition, a large dark green plant that sat on a stool next to the couch.

Hutch followed his friend's terrified gaze, a knowing smile spreading on his face. "Oh. I see."

"It... uhm... Hutch," Starsky whispered, never letting the plant out of his sight as if he feared it would attack them both at any second. "I... I think it just... caught a fly. I mean it... It ATE a fly! I heard it gulp! You got to believe me, honest, I SAW it..."

Laughing, Hutch patted his partner's arm reassuringly. "It's okay, Starsk. It's a carnivorous plant."

But when Hutch tried to approach the couch again, he was firmly held back by Starsky grabbing his arm. "What?!"

"Carnivorous. That means it eats meat."

"I know what it means!" Starsky snapped, still not letting go of his friend. "Have you lost your mind?! You place a bloodthirsty monster right next to your COUCH?!"

In slow-motion and mock carefulness, Hutch cupped Starsky's cheek with his free hand, his eyes glittering; he clearly was on the verge of laughing out loud. "Don't be scared, babe. I'll protect you. I won't let the mean monster-plant get near y..."

"That's so funny," Starsky muttered and released Hutch's arm. The blond drew his hand back too, and stepped over to the stool.

Starsky winced when his partner reached out to seemingly tickle the plant.

"See?" the blond said in mock tenderness. "It's completely harmless."

"Uh huh," Starsky replied, unconvinced.

Hutch sighed. "It eats flies, buddy, no Starskys. Right?" he asked the plant. "You wouldn't want such unhealthy stuff as him in your system, anyway, hm? I bet his blood sugar alone would kill you." Looking up at his partner, who hadn't moved an inch away from the door, he arched his brows accusingly. "It's afraid of you."

"Ha, ha, you keep this up, blintz, and then one day when you turn your back on it, you'll see how harmless it is. I saw a film once..."

"Starsky, no matter what you've seen or read, carnivorous plants don't attack humans. Trust me."

"Oh yeah? You didn't see how it... slaughtered that poor fly! It ENJOYED killing it! I bet it just waited for some giddy freak like you to come along!"

"It's a plant, Gordo," Hutch stated as if he wasn't sure Starsky had actually realized that fact. "You're afraid of a plant here, Starsk."

"I'm NOT afraid! I'm... careful."

"Uh huh. Careful. Sure," Hutch nodded and, giving the plant a parting stroke, sat down on the couch, looking at his friend questioningly. "We gonna play now or what?"

"Uhm... You know, it's been a while since we've been to the Pits, huh? I mean... wouldn't want Huggy thinking we're avoiding him or something, right?"

Hutch stared at him as if he completely lost his mind. They'd been to the Pits that very morning. "Right," he finally said, and stood up, trying hard not to break down with laughter when Starsky practically fled from the apartment.

Grabbing his jacket, Hutch turned at the door. "See you later, plants. Have a nice ev..."


"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," he called back, rolling his eyes and closed the door behind him.