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Wuemsel's Fanfic Corner

The Same Feeling


"Whereīre we going?" I asked, when Starsky suddenly turned left where he was supposed to drive to the right.
"Your place," he replied, casting me a glance.
There it was. Iīd waited for that sentence for days now, but at the same time Iīd known Starsky would play along just a little longer to
make me feel better. Yet of course this had to happen sooner or later.
My vote would have been for later, though.
"I still have one clean shirt left," I joked, not wanting to give in so easily, though I knew in the end he would win, anyway. It was time.
The shocked glance he shot me made me chuckle.
"What, honeybunch, moving together too fast for you?"
"I just want my couch back," he replied, his dry tone masking his real concern. "No to mention a night without your snoring."
I smiled, looking down. There hadnīt been much chances to snore for me the last days.
"Itīs okay, Hutch," Starsky continued, when I remained silent. "Itīs not going to happen again. Iīm okay."
I nodded grimly. How could he be so damn sure? So damn calm? The guy had been in his APARTMENT, for Christīs sake! Heīd been
attacked in his sleep! He was the one who should have nightmares and check the door three times at night.
But no, it was me doing that. Me having the nightmares. Dreams of Starsky dying in my arms in that alley, dreams that left me screaming
out for him, clinging to him, when he woke me just to make sure he was really there, really alive.
How the hell could he be so calm when at the same time I was terrified?!
"Hutch," he said, squeezing my shoulder to get my attention. Iīd been
so lost in thoughts I hadnīt even noticed weīd arrived at my place already.
I looked up. He smiled assuringly.
"Go get some sleep, Blintz. You look terrible."
I wanted to reply something, crack a joke, maybe even beg for just one more stay, but looking into the mirror of his eyes I suddenly saw myself - and frowned.
I knew that look.
It was the same Iīd seen on Starskyīs face, days after Forest, when I had told him to go get some sleep instead of looking out for me all the time. Heīd been so exhausted after all the nights on my couch, watching tv to keep himself from falling asleep, that heīd been as close to a breakdown as ... I was right now, I figured.
It had been exactly the same look on his face that I saw on mine. And I understood. I had been the calm one back then, I hadnīt had nightmares, hadnīt been paranoid.
Because Iīd known Starsky was there. Looking out for me. No need to be afraid.
Closing my eyes briefly, I nodded and got out of the car slowly. "Donīt forget-"
"-to lock the door. I know, Hutch."
"-to call you when I get home."
"Yeah," I said, still holding the door open, still refusing to leave  him. "And ..." But I couldnīt think of anything else to say. So I closed the door and turned.
"Hutch," his voice hold me back.
He didnīt say anything, just looked at me and smiled.
Understanding, I smiled back. 'Youīre welcome, buddy. And thank you too.'